It was a bit ironic when I received the message of your passing. It was the middle of the second quarter of the Game 2 of ADMU-FEU game. I was all pumped up because Ateneo was trailing the first quarter. I could not bear a third game. We had to win this. I was so nervous, my knees were a bit trembly. The trembling got worse when I received Adette's message. You left us already.
Suddenly, the sounds from crowd became a little muted (you can never really totally drown out a cheering Ateneo gallery), the game a little fuzzy around the edges. It was not only my knees that felt weak but my shoulders as well. My eyes were tearing up a bit.
I can't say I felt pain when I heard the news. Your passing was different from Rosing's. Her death caught everybody by surprise. She left so suddenly that we felt like lost JVP orphans. But Rosing has always been a wonder. Those of us she left behind, we all knew that she would go straight to heaven. We know she would constantly be looking out for all of us, as she has always done when she was alive.
What I felt was a bit of sadness. People should not be in hospital beds when they are 27. They should not have tumors in their lungs. They should be falling in love or having broken hearts. They should be catching falling stars or falling themselves. They should be realizing their dreams or making new ones. They should have decided what they want or still as confused as they where when they were 18. They should be anything but sick.
But I also felt a little relieved. Your suffering has finally ended. You have achieved your everlasting peace. I was glad that your batchmates, family and friends were with you throughout your ordeal. I was certain that nothing else could make you ever feel as ready as much as knowing that you have loved and that you were loved. You would have gone knowing that your life was significant and meaningful. I was certain you were surrounded by an ethereal bright light with gentle hands taking yours, leading you the way, making you feel most welcome... making you feel loved, the kind of love our earthly love could not compare to.
The rest of the second quarter was a blur. When half time came, I had the chance to breathe and think and feel. I shed a few tears in that crowded stadium. I said a prayer and talked to you a bit. During the fourth quarter, I had a bit of naughty conversation with you of which I know you will take as a joke rather than be offended. :P
I was looking at your FB page the other day, looking at your pictures. Each of them had that wonderful smile of yours. It's always that smile I associate with you. The purity of spirit that shines forth that grin. I was also looking at the messages pouring in. I am comforted that you have lived a beautiful life no matter how short it was.
Thank you, Divine, for brightening up the world with your presence. :)
I will continue to pray for the healing of your parents. I think they are the most in pain with what happened. I continue to feel a slight pang in my heart whenever I remember your mother's message during that mass in the Lung Center. I hope she finds her peace of mind as well.
Watch over us, dear Divine. When I visit Mindoro, I'll make sure to whisper your name to the wind.
Yours,
Anj
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